insignificant.

:: there's something about the ocean that makes you feel small. always. i lve it. i love feeling so completely insignificant. our Creator is so incredible.

:: while i was home over thanksgiving i spent some time at my favorite part of the beach alone. i have done a lot of thinking on this beach. secluded enough to get alone but not so deserted i feel like i have to be fully present. mostly it's just the occasional older couple on their daily walk or bike ride.

:: i had some awesome time with Jesus while i was there. i am reading "so long insecurity" by beth moore [good book if you haven't read it] and whoa. when did i become this insecure?! wasn't i always ok? why are these words making me feel so shaky and exposed?

:: now, this place on the beach is also the same place i walked the night before i left for my freshman year of college. i found a shell...a rough shell that smoothed out at the bottom. metaphorical i thought. i remember saying "Jesus, i may not be perfect and i never will be and even though i won't admit it to anyone else i am scared to go to arkansas tomorrow. i don't know anybody. i feel like my life is much like this shell. a rough casing that you are smoothing out in your sweet time."

:: reading this book 4 years later and thinking back over my life since i realized that i let myself get so wrapped up in figuring out the "right thing" that i completely forgot to ask the Lord what He wanted with my life. i forgot about the significance of that shell prayer. sure, i've asked what the Lord what's but i haven't been still long enough to hear his answer.

:: He is answering.